Wrestling with Self-esteem youth ministry message -Morgan Young 1.13.02
(song "Supermodel")
That song Sarah just sang was about a girl wrestling with how the world sees her --- it was about a girl who was kind of ticked-off that people were more concerned with the Paul Mitchell hair product ON her head than the brain she has inside her head!
She was pretty sick of always being compared to other people --- are her thighs thin enough---is her body buff enough? You could say she has some "issues" with supermodels eh?
Do you guys realize that about 5,000 ads are seen in A DAY in the United States?! And 1/3 of those deal with the our appearance and image!
BOWFLEX---if I see 1 more Bowflex commercial, I'm gonna go postal!
There's the "abdominizer" --- you hook your stomach up to ELECTRODES!
This time of year you've got the WeightWatchers & LA Weightloss ads.
Too many shampoo, soap & toothpaste ads to count.
Question --- Ever see any (dare I say) "ugly" people in those commercials? Ever see the kind of ordinary people you run into at the mall, on a TV commercial or magazine ad?
You know the kind of normal person that's about 10 lbs. over their ideal body weight --- they don't look like they were prom king or queen in high school, they don't have perfect hair & perfect teeth?
??? No. (I take that back --- we DO see themthey're the ones who do their own carpet & used car commercials"Come on down to Ray Skilman used cars today.")
OK---- aside from used cars & carpets --- everywhere you look, you see a supermodel, an NFL quarterback, major league pitcher, or a gorgeous actor ---- everywhere: TV, movies, magazines.
And that's all fine & groovy until you look in the mirror ---- then it's like, "Oh that's not quite what I'm used to seeing --- this person in the mirror
This face uh, has acne
Teetharen't perfectnot so white they glow in the dark
Hmmm the people I've been watching all day only have ONE chin
The shape of this face?it's just stupid lookin'
This hair it's not "SILKY" and "Manageable"... like it's supposed to be
And God forbid you'd be looking in a FULL-LENGTH mirror!
You'd have thigh, butt, gut, waist and chest issues we couldn't even begin to talk about! You with me?
(new tone) Maybe seeing supermodels, pro athletes, or movie stars makes you feel somewhat inferior about yourself.
If we're normal, odds are SOMETHING leads us to wrestling with the opinion we have of our self If we'll admit it, all of us wrestle with self-esteem to some degree. All of us have flaws and all of us KNOW we have them
I'm not saying that we actually admit to others that we have flaws ---- Because some of us are pretty OUTSTANDING when it comes to covering up our flaws --- to some of us, the last thing we'll do is let people know we have insecurities! Man, some of us are masters of disguise.
I bet, right now, you can think of at least one person at your school, that you think, "Manthat cat has got it together --- if I could just be THAT on top of it!"
But check this --- No matter how "together" somebody appears inside it's a different story.
In fact does anyone here want to stand up and admit to everyone, that in all honesty, you have it ALL together?Anybody THAT bold?Or anybody killed that many brain cells yet, that you would believe that you REALLY have it "all together?" (pause) Nobecause nobody does!
I gotta tell you guys that what we're talking about tonight "self-esteem" has got to be one of life's BIGGEST ISSUES!
If you wrestle with self-worth now, don't think it's something you just grow out of I know so many people that are anywhere between your age and death --- that struggle with self-esteem maybe one of your parents still does. Between you & me --- my mom still does.
Let's breakdown this word "self-esteem" though Let me give you a question to help you understand what self-esteem is and this question is THE question of the night and it's THE question of your life, in fact!
Here's the question: "Who are you?" (repeat)
Your self-esteem is how you would HONESTLY answer the question, "Who are you?"
Some of you would answer that question with stuff like:
Ø I'm a sophomore in band at Western High School
Ø I'm a cheerleader
Ø I'm a wallflowera shy person who likes my privacy
Ø I'm an extrovert I'm the first one to volunteer
Ø I'm an athlete --- I love competition --- I love to push physical & mental boundaries
Ø I'm a geek --- I love computers, I love electronics & engineeringI want to be the next Bill Gates or Steve Jobs
Ø I'm an artist --- I love to draw, love to write, love to read things that get in my heart through my eyes, ears or touch move me in major ways
Ø I'm popular --- I love to hang around with other popular people and it doesn't matter what we're doing as long as we're doing it together
Ø I'm the dopest emcee that can Fo'shizzle my nizzle
You might say stuff like:
Ø I'm an honor roll student I'm rated #47 in my class
Ø I'm a sectional winner
Ø I'm a 4H award-winner
Ø I've won awards at the science fair
Ø I'm a physically attractive person
Ø I'm not a very attractive person
Ø I'm an intelligent person
Ø I'm not a smart person
Ø I'm average in everything --there's nothing really all that special about me
Ø I'm a student trying to cope with a wacky home life right now
Ø HonestlyI'm a lonely person
Ø I'm a person that NO ONE really understands
All of us would probably answer the "Who am I?" question like that---or something like that.
When you look at that list on the screen, you can see that most of us would say "who we are" is what we do ---
Or we would say "who we are" is tied to our personality
Check this out ---- If "who we are" is what we do . or is our personality --- then you're going to end up always being compared
Because, if you're an athlete --- you're NEVER just an athlete --- if you're a basket ball player, you know where you fit in compared to the other people on your team
You're a starter or you're 2nd stringyou're JV or you're that lovable team playerthe bench warmer.
So that works like this: If you're a starter and you're in double digits almost every game.. guess what? Your self-esteem is gonna ROCK!
Odds are, the further down on the team you are perhaps your self esteem will go too --- instead of saying to yourself, "HeyI'm on the varsity basketball team." Inside you're saying, "I'm NEVER gonna start --- I'm never gonna be as good as he or she is!"
When "who we are" is what we DO --- we're always gonna be compared And when we DO good we feel good. And we don't DO so hot we don't feel so hot about us either.
If you say "who you are" is tied to your personality, that gets dicey too
Like if you say, "I'm a popular person." Maybe you're popular now, in a class of a couple hundred students ---- but what happens if you get to college and in a class of a THOUSAND(s) and that doesn't continue to be true? Then, how is your self-esteem going to feel? How will you feel going from being popular and "in" everything that's going on, to being pretty anonymous?
Or some of these things on the screen are simply, very limiting.
("MORGAN'S WHO'S WHO" CD CUE)
(Wayne Campbell pic into Søren Kierkegaard pic )
"Was it Dick Van Patten or Kierkegarrd who said, "If you label me, you negate me."
What that quote means is, "If you label me you rule out a whole lot of other things I might be!" Or "If you label me, you deny me possibilities."
For instance, if you say to yourself, "I'm basically a shy person I'm kind of a wallflower," --- You've just closed the door to a TON of possibilities ---- you will probably miss opportunities because you don't think you're extraverted enough to pull it off!
Or if you would answer the "who are you" question with, "I'm just pretty average there's nothing really special about me," --- then when anything comes your way, that would require an "above average" person --- you're gonna take a pass you're gonna miss a truck load of experiences.
So how we see our self is REALLY important then --- because how we see our self how we LABEL our self, can determine what kinds of stuff we do.
Do you know adults who seem like they live a pretty "ho-hum" life? Do you know adults who seem like they're "going through the motions" of life? Do you know adults who seem like they must have "settled" for the life they have?(pause)
If you know adults like that then it's a good bet that if we could unscrew the top of their head and look inside to see how they see them self ---- I bet we'd see labels that negateor labels that rule out possibilities
I bet we'd see things like, "I'm just pretty average." "I'm not very smart" "I'm not a person who 'has it together' like my neighbor" "I'm a person who doesn't make wise decisions."
And this is why we're talking about you wrestling with your self-esteem tonight ---- because odds are the adults you're picturing in your mind when they were your age --- did not plan on the reality they are now living
But somewhere along the way, they said, "This IS who I am --- I AM average there IS nothing special about me --- compared to others around me, I'm not as good, not as capableand because of 'Who I am' this is the best that life gets."
Here's tonight's Big Deal: It is NOT "what we do" that determines who we are; It is who we ARE, that determines what we do.
Let me show you what I mean -----
For a minute, I want you to imagine being 8 years old again Imagine that when you were 8 years old your principal called you and your parents into the office And imagine the principal said something to you, and your parents like this:
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this based on your grades so far in first grade and now half way through second grade and based on how you did on the ISTEP tests
Your teacher, the school counselor, and myself believe that you will only be a "C" student at best. We've looked at what you've been doing, and we believe a "C" average is the best you can hope for."
If you KNEW you were a "C" student would you even TRY to make the honor roll?
No. .. And believing that who you are is a "C" student, would have a HUGE impact on the rest of your life! --- It would effect EVERYTHING!
You would SHOOT for average --- you would settle for average it would start in school --- then it would branch out --- you'd settle for an average career --- an average wife or average husband ---- an average spiritual experience ----You'd shoot for average in probably everything (pause).
On the flip sidethe brighter side:
Imagine you're 8 again same scenario. You're in the principal's office and this time the principal looks at you and says:
"I've been looking at your grades and your ISTEP scores and I've been talking to your teacher and the school counselor because we see that you're getting C's But we know you and have been around you for a couple of years now
And we KNOW, you're a bright student! We KNOW that INSIDE you're an 'A' student and we're going to work with you --- we're gonna spend some extra time with you ---- and get you up to the place where you belong because we know you're capable of it We're SURE that inside, you're an 'A' student."
And you'd walk out of there knowing that your future was bright knowing that there was hope You wouldn't shoot for "C's" --- you'd work on "A's" Because of "who you are"an "A"-- you would behave differently.
It is who we ARE, that determines what we do.
So after all this, then, "Who are you?" --The list on the screen isn't who we are those are just what we do. So who the heck are we?
Here's the answer: "We are called children of God! That's who we really are." 1 John 3:1 The Message
If you're a believer if you're IN a relationship with Jesus Christ --- YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD.
It doesn't say, "When you get to Heaven, you'll be a son or daughter of God." --- It doesn't say, "Someday, when you get your act together." --- It says RIGHT NOW You ARE a child of God.
Remember what Wayne Campbell said "If you label me, you negate or limit me." Are we limited to what we can do if we're a child of God?
No. "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
If you're are a Child of Godwith that label you haven't "limited" what your future holds --- it's now UN-limited---I can do EVERYTHING!
What about being compared to others? If we say "Who I am is a child of God," will we be compared to anyone? On God's team, can we ride the bench? Can we be JC's JV?! ;-)
No. Why? Simple. When we come into Christ's family Imagine again that principal's office from a few minutes ago
When we come into Christ's family imagine going into the principal's office but this principal has long haira beard Birkenstock sandals and He says,
"Thanks for coming now about your grades it seems we had a little 'accident' in the record keeping dept and your 'permanent record'? it got burned up in a fire there's no record of it at all
And as far as grades go from here on out I only give 'A's'I don't care how well you do ANYTHING compared to anyone else because for the rest of your life on earth and when you get to that great administration office in the sky you get an 'A.' (pause)
As a child of God, you are nothing less than an "A"!
But you're thinking,
"Morgan you don't understand! --- I know we talked about being tempted last week, but I know I will still sin I know I will still screw things up! How can God ALWAYS give me 'A'?!"
Good question Back in October we said Christianity was not a religionwe said that Christianity is a relationshipAnd now I'm telling you, you are a son or you are a daughter of God.
(pic of Mom) This is my Mom. Sue Young. Way back before the dawn of time she gave birth to me. As her son, I have her last name but I also have her blood Sue Young and Morgan Young are blood related
Is there anything I can do to change the blood relationship with my Mom?
No. When I was younger, if I had ran away and changed my name I'd still be Sue Young's blood relation. What if she kicked me out of the house? Disowned me? I would still be Sue Young's son --- we're related by blood and nothing can change that.
When I became a Christ follower, it was made possible because Jesus' blood on the cross. I was adopted through His blood ----We are sons & daughters of Christ through a blood relationship too nothing can change that
Check this:
"Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! I'm absolutely convinced that nothing nothingabsolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master embraced us." Romans 8:35-39 The Message
So, yes,we can sin we can screw things up royally but nobody's going to flunk Absolutely nothing will keep God from giving you an "A."
Your whole life is graded on a curve (PPT). You know that in EVERYTHING, you are compared
How do you dress? Same as, better than, or worse than, everyone else in your class?
How's your family? Same as, better than, or worse than, everyone else?
How's your body? Same as, better than, or worse than, everyone else?
How are your grades? Your car? Your house? Your IQ?Your physical ability? Your popularity?
But here's is God's curve (PPT) As a child of God, nobody's above or below anyone else we're not more or less spiritual He doesn't play the comparison game All Christ followers get an "A" You are all "A" students in the eyes of Christ.
So after all this --- "Who are you?" You are a child of God. Repeat after me:
"It's not what I do that determines who I am; it's who I am that determines what I do ; and I am a child of God no matter what!"
(handout) Lauren & Co. gave you this handout because I wanted you to clearly know who you are. That because you are a child of God, a blood relation, these things are all true about you not someday not if you're good these things are true of you NOW
For what it's worth I indeed have bad days too I have times when I don't feel confident I have times when things in my life are tougher than others --- and it seems like that's when my self-esteem is a little less shiny
I do have days when I doubt myself the voice in my head says, "Who do you think you are? You didn't go to Bible college who are you to do ministry?"
But then I'll remember that God doesn't play the comparison game
And honestly I use this list as a book mark in my Bible so if my day isn't starting so rosy I'll read through this list of things, that are TRUE this list of WHO I REALLY AM.
In all honesty ---it can be hard to believe this list is true of you. Like we talked about last week you'll be tempted to NOT buy into it and in those times when you wrestle with your self-esteem you have to decide which way you're gonna go Will you listen to the voice in your head --- or what other people say about you? . Or will you choose to believe what your Father in heaven says about you? //
And to anyone here who hasn't entered into a relationship with Christ if you would like to know more about that or how you get in on this new non-comparison identity ask me when we're done.
I'm done --- I just want to ask you a question as the band leads us in a response to this talk:
Will you lay down the comparison game?
Will you stop believing that you are as good as you perform, or as good as you behave?
Will you lay down your old opinions of who you are?And pick up (handout) God's truth about you?
And will you really take the "A" that God has already given you?
