Wrestling with Responsibility (youth ministry message) 1.20.02 Morgan Young Hmmm, when you saw (drama script is at the end of this text) that we were going to talk about responsibility, I bet you thought I was going to talk to you about not leaving your dirty underwear on your bedroom floor Your parents were PRAYING that I would talk about that kind of stuff But you can tell by the drama that we're talking about a little more meaty kind of responsibility FW participation time In the drama, what was Sonya's (Lisa) character's real deal? (answer?) (boyfriend & prom issues & maybe weight issues?) BUTwhat did she SAY was tickin' her off? (divorce issues) Don't suppose you've done that yourself have you? You know been mad about something at school, but then when your little brother looked at you and called you a "big boogerhead", you showed him a big ol' WWF smack-down move in the living room Then when your mom asked what was goin' on, you proceeded to lift the little rugrat up by his ankles and display a look on your face as if someone had just passed something hot & steamy underneath your nose that your dog, "Spike" newly deposited in the backyard then you said in rosy fashion, "MOM! HE'S DRIVIN ME CRAZY! CAN'T WE SELL HIM OR LOCK HIM IN HIS ROOM UNTIL HE HITS PUBERTY OR SOMETHING?!!" Ever done anything "kind of" like that before? All of us do that kind of stuff! Your brother, your sister, your mom, your dad, teachers, friends, all get the blame, once in a while for stuff that's got NOTHING to do with them. Why do we do this? Are we just nasty by nature? What's the deal? The deal isIT'S EASY! It's easier to be mad at someone else than it is to be really honest with ourselves. (repeat) It's easier for the girl in the drama to be mad at her mom It's easier to say that "all this stuff" wouldn't be happening, or "I wouldn't be this way" IF dad were still here! And we do it too We say stuff like: (PPT) -- I wouldn't weigh what I do, if it weren't for my parent's genes! -- I wouldn't be so screwed up, if my parents weren't so screwed up! -- My life wouldn't be so DULL, if I didn't live in KOKOMO! -- I'd have better friends, if I didn't go to THIS lame school! -- If my family had more money, I'd fit in better! -- If my parents were more cool, people at school would like me better More than half the families in Howard Co. have had a divorce myself included And the truth about divorce is that things are never quite the same again So if you have been touched by divorce then maybe it's effected your life in some way you wish it really hadn't Maybe like the girl in the drama, inside your head, you say,(PPT) "If my parents hadn't got divorced, then ________." --whatwhat is it for you? Before we go any further for what I'm teaching to make sense you need to get a picture in your mind of something you don't like, about your life, or something you don't really like about your self, --- something you don't particularly care for Maybe it's something on the screen I don't know ---what is it for you? (pause) Alright. Got it? (play with it) /// I'll bet that that thing you have in your head, you have an "It's not my fault" clause for it! I'll bet like the list on the screensit's something you think you have no control over --- it was something that was handed to you, either by an adult's decision or something you inherited in your genesyour DNA. Here's the wacky thing about some things in your life that you don't like It may NOT be YOUR fault! (repeaplay with it get them to say "shout-therapy") But here's tonight's spoonful of truth --- It may not be your fault---but it IS your responsibility. (repeat) The Bible says it like this: "Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." (repeat) Galatians 6:4-5 The Message That verse says, "Your life---ALL of it --- good AND baddo your best with it! I love this verse ---- it says, "Lookdon't pay attention to how your neighbor's got it goin' on!" Because it's gonna do one of two things --- You'll think that you have it BETTER than they do & you'll get a big headget your EGO goingand ego stands for Edging God Out As soon as you think you're "ALL THAT" then you won't be humble enough to need God Or you're gonna see that you have it WORSE than your neighbor and you're gonna play the "LIFE ISN'T FAIR, card!" Then you'll go into major EXCUSE mode. ("Morgan's Who's Who?" theme!) (Ben Franklin pic) "He that is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else." Ben Franklin Just like in the drama ---- Sonya's character had been comparing her dating relationships with her friends, and instead of looking at how her OWN behavior might be to blame, she made the EASY and rash assumption that the big difference was that her friends had their fathers at home and she didn't --- so she dumped any responsibility she needed to ownon her mom. Lisa took the easy out she made an excuse. The second dose of tonight's truth is, "Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." (PPT) That's about as simple as it gets isn't it? (repeat verse) There's no loopholes ---- even a good attorney can't get us out of this one --- It doesn't say, (PPT) "Unless you've really been dealt a bad hand." "Unless your parents really dump a stinky situation in your lap." "Unless you have mental, physical or emotional problems." It says it doesn't matter how MESSED UP your life is Whatever is going on in your life be responsible to do the best with whatever you have. One of the things I always do when I write these messages is I try to picture as many of you as I can and think about things I've heard you sayor I'll just picture you in my mind. And when I wrote that last point on the screen I thought of Michael. Do you guys know Mike? He's the guy who always has the best & fanciest seat in the whole auditorium at Firewire (ack. Him) ("hi Mike!") I thought about him when I looked at the verse, "Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." Now I don't know Mike extremely well---But I know out of everyone who comes to FW, I'll bet it takes more for him to get here than anyone else Most of us probably take for granted going out to the car and coming here --- maybe we even wrestle with whether we're going to come this week or not But almost every single night since September Michael's here Here's a guy who could make excuses. But insteadhere's a young man who makes it a priority to come here like clockwork (disclaim) and I'm not trying to guilt you into a "you need to come to FW" thing ---- Because this isn't about attendance ---- it's about a young man who's trying to do the creative best with his life by making God a priority ---- in my eyes, he's a young man who's not making excuses, but TAKING RESPONSIBILITY to make it here every week ---to do the best he can it doesn't matter that his life has some unique physical situations. He does the creative best he can, with his own life, period When I talk to Mike, I NEVER get the sense I'm talking to a young man who is making excuses.// All you guys are at a unique place in your life it's like you're half kid and half adult you're right in between and most of the time, I'll bet you're pushing your parents, teachers and other adults to treat you more like an adult than like a kid and I'll even bet that one of the things that really ticks you off is to be treated like a kid With all respect to you --- how you choose to respond to things in your life has everything to do with your maturity --- with how people see you Here's the truth: An immature kid will say, "It's not my fault" type of statements. A mature young adult will say, "It may not be my fault but it IS my responsibility to do the best I can in this situation." A kid makes excuses ---- a young adult takes responsibilities. This is what responsibility looks like: (previous PPT slide) If your parents have weight issuesthat's not an excuse for you to --- You have a responsibility to do your creative best with your body--- not a responsibility to have a supermodel body not to be a size 4, if God made you to be a size 8. WHERE you live isn't an excuse for HOW you live. (repeat) If your life is dull or boring, take the responsibility to DO or LEARN something new. Friends typically don't walk up & bite you in the tush! If you need better friends, lose the excuse and take the responsibility to start a new conversationtalk to someone new in the café. If your family had more money, (deadpan) your family would have more money! Money doesn't change character or personality or spirituality... If money makes a diff with peeps you run with, take the responsibility to LOSE THEM. And take the responsibility to come to terms with who God says you are (last week)---take the responsibility to STOP playing the comparison game. If God gave you uncool parents. Take the responsibility to send them to a country far-far away!! ;-) NO---again-- STOP playing the comparison game. And even though your parents may have gone through a wicked divorce that isn't an excuse for you to be any LESS than God intended you to be. Take the responsibility to: Take it to God Get help Work through your emotions Talk with your parents Talk with your friends. Learn from it. Most of the things that come your way and WILL come your way, usually don't have the ability to stop you from becoming anything less than who you want to be or who God wants you to be! It just may be more difficult or like the verse says, may cause you to become more creative. /// Not everything bad that comes your way is because of something beyond your control. Sometimes bad things ARE our fault (repeat). Let me show you what I mean let's go back to the drama and see what's going on (drama part 2) So Lisa's real deal was insecurityjealousy. It's easy to blame somebody else when things aren't going well. But like she did in the drama, we need to recognize & admit our own junk --- THAT's being responsible for our own actions. For the stuff in your life that's not your fault you have a responsibility to deal with it and see what God wants you to learn from it or how He wants you to respond. For the stuff that IS your fault. You have a responsibility to look inside and see if you contributed to it. And then OWN IT. Admit it. Say you're sorry. And learn from it./// I have a friend in high schooland right now this person's family is in a pretty serious crisis maybe the parents will be able to work through things but there's definitely no guarantee they will As I've been talking to my friend I've gained even more respect for him Because what's happening on the home-front is definitely NOT his fault it's definitely beyond his control He could do a lot of things: could get mad at his parents---get mad at God --- could ignore the whole thing and stick his head in the sand He could come up with a lot of excuses that would be understandable. But as I sat with him over lunch, he told me how he's tried to keep in touch with people that will talk about this stuff with him so all this stuff won't stay all bottled up He told me he's learning a lot about relationshipsabout marriage and about himself, by observing what's going on with his parents Even in a tough situation, he's taking the responsibility to learn about himself & sometimes see himself, by watching his parents he's taking the responsibility to take care of his emotions and his well being by staying connected with friends he not letting this become an excuse for withdrawing and becoming bitter. I have so much respect for him because I know it's hard---to see your family in a crisis---- it's hard to "be responsible for doing the creative best you can with your own life" when something so big, so real and so close is happening in your life. And in those times when it IS rough and life feels like it's just too big there's just too much responsibility to wrestle with we have to look up Because God didn't put this verse in the Bible for us to be responsible apart from Him! Sometimes all you have to do in a tough situation whether you got yourself into it or not is be responsible to take it to God Because we'll never do our creative best with this lifewithout letting Him guide us and breathe His life into us. /// This month we've talked about wrestling with temptations self-esteemand now responsibility In ALL of those areaswe can't do it alone we need God's strengthHis comfortHis help. And we receive His help by simply asking Him---by drawing close to Him If you don't feel as close to God as you would like if you need His help with temptation, self-esteem, or something tough you're experiencing then let this song be your prayer. Responsibilities of a "Cereal" Killer (drama) -Morgan Young 12.21.01 Lisa: Sonya Carpenter Mom: Sue Shappell Setting: kitchen table after school Props: table, 2 chairs, box of cereal (not healthy) (that Sonya likes), bowl, spoon, milk, laptop (Lights up on Lisa eating a bowl of cereal she eats a bite or 2 when mom enters Mom's open laptop is on table.) Mom: Oh, LisaI didn't hear you come in What's with the cereal?It's 3:30---you know we have dinner in about an hour. Lisa: (unemotional) I was hungry. (Mom sits & pecks on laptop intermittently) Mom: You know you're like me --- you eat when you're upset (no response) How was school today? (no response) Hey. (enunciating) How was school today? Lisa: (unemotional most of her responses for awhile are likewise) It was ok. Mom: How did you do on your English test? Lisa: I don't know. Mom: Why not? Lisa: why not what? Mom: Why don't you know what you got on your English test? Lisa: She hasn't given them back to us yet. Mom: (raise of eyebrows & look of "I see" as senses something's not ok) (pause) Is everything ok? Lisa: Yeah, fine. (pause) Mom: (looks at cereal) I thought you were trying to cut down on snacks so you could buy that silver prom dress you liked down at Blyes. Lisa: (just gives her a look, "thanks for bringing that up") Mom: Honey, I think you're beautiful --- you're the one who thinks you need to fit into a smaller dress. Lisa: (unemotional, not sarcastic) Thanks for the reminder. Mom: Lisa did something happen at school today? Lisa: I---(small sigh)I-I don't know. Mom: Lese if something happenedwe can talk about it. (pause) How are things going with you and Sean? Lisa: (looks down, plays with nails) (mom reads the body language & realizes she's on the right trail) Mom: Did he do something wrong? Lisa: (pause) I don't think so. Mom: (delicately) Did you do something wrong? Lisa: (looking down) Do I ever do anything right? Mom: Lisayou are a beautiful intelligent girl. Lisa: Yeah right --- "beautiful & intelligent" I'm too big to fit into a stupid prom dress that I don't even need now, and I'm so dumb that I can't seem to keep a guy like Sean around long enough to even go to the stinkin' prom. (pause) Mom: Lese---what happened? Lisa: I-I-(frustrated) I don't know What always happens? What happened with Tony and what happened with Matt? I get a boyfriend he's nicethings are great then something always happens (pause). It's like --- it's like I just don't know how to relate with guys. Mom: Oh Lisa all girls deal with this kind of stuff Lisa: (somewhat strong & at her Mom) Do they? Mom: Sure they do honey Lisa: (cuts in on her) Then why don't Meghan and Torie & Allison have these kinds of problems? Mom: I don't know about thembut I do know that you are (was going to say "sweet, considerate" or affirming type of things) Lisa: (cuts in again) A girl without a dad! Mom: What?! Lisa: The only man in my life lives in Wisconsin --- Meghan, Torie & Allyson's dads all live at their house, Mom! ---If dad lived here, I'd understand what guys are like ---- but he doesn't --- so every relationship I have ends up all screwed up! Ya know if you and Dad would have stayed together, I wouldn't be like this! This isn't how I wanted my life to be if life in this house were more normal, my relationship with Sean would be more normal ---instead of messed up this is all because you and Dad couldn't make it work. (big ol' pause) Mom: (takes deep breath) Lese(pause) I don't really think this about me and your dad and for what it's worth, this isn't exactly the life I pictured life either. (pause) I think this about you and Sean I think it's about your senior promand I think it's about fitting into a dress that God didn't mean for you to fit into anyway Lisa: (exasperated) Why do you always turn everything back on me? (slumps head down on table) lights out (End, drama Part 1 Morgan's message begins) Responsibilities of a "Cereal" Killer part II: ("rerun" of last words from Part I ending) Lisa: (exasperated) Why do you always turn everything back on me? (slumps head down on table) Mom: (comes over, kneels down & puts arm aroundthe rest of the script is very intimate and physically & emotionally close between the two ---tenderly->) Lese I don't try to turn everything back on you You're just at the age that life, always comes back on you. (pause) Sweety --- things happensometimes we can control it and sometimes we can't Sometimes the only choice we have is how we choose to deal with it. We can wrestle with accepting blame for our actions or we can wrestle with blaming someone else for why it's happening. But eventuallyafter we've gotten mad after we've cried after we've eaten a gallon of chocolate Hagen Daas ice cream we have to wrestle with how we're going to respond. (pause) Now I don't know what happened with you and Seanyet (smile) but you're responsible to decide if you're gonna call him and work it out or you're gonna decide if it's over and if you're gonna move on or sit & stew in it. Lisa: I just hate it--- I hate this feeling --- I hate it that Sean and I are fighting ---(pause- thinking about it) It was so stupidI saw him walking to 3rd period with Audrey I got mad then I was just so rude to him at lunch--- he's gotta think I'm an idiotI know they're just friends I just feel so stinkin' insecure sometimes and then I say things I don't mean. Mom: (looks out as if into the past with her "ex") Been there (to Lisa) So, what now? Lisa: (pause) I think I need to call Sean and apologize. And I'm sorry I slammed you about dad --- that was low. Mom: I am so proud of you. Lisa: For what? Bein' an idiot? Mom: For being more responsible than I was when I was your age. (lights fade on the Scooby Do ending) |
