Why Can't We Be Friends? (youth ministry message) Morgan Young 2.10.02
Back in the day, I definitely did some not-so-wise things and I thought I'd start out our talk by telling you a couple stories that I should NOT be proud of, but in reality I AM kind of proud of them!
"DON'T TRY THIS AT SCHOOL!"
(tell "File cabinet story" & "Taped on principles desk" story)
(video clip of Ray on ER)
What are the odds that I would have done either one of those highly stupid things on my own, all by myself?
I would NOT have done them on my own! What about you? Have you ever done anything remotely stupid, silly, or asinine because you were with a friend?
Duhwe ALL have. And that illustrates one of tonight's big deals: Our friends influence (#1) what we do. Our friends are major players in our life.
So because our friends influence us, we need to be aware of what kinds of friends we have.
One survey of teenagers I saw said that the NUMBER ONE influence on you, is your friends---the #2 influence on teens is the media (TV, music, movies)---and number THREE is your parents
that'll make their day go home and tell your folks they're number 3! ---it'll be soooo comforting for parents to know that Britney and Carson have more influence in your life than THEY do! ;-)
If I asked you what the word "friend" means to you. You would say stuff like:
Loyal
Honest
Stands up for you
Understands you
Likes you "as is"
Listens to you
Shares with you
Respects you
And we could boil all this down to the most important quality in a friend and in fact, Shrek said it best (to booth) Do you think Shrek could just speak for himself? (clip of Billy Joel song "Just the Way You Are")
In all seriousness, Shrek was singing about the most important thing to us in a friendship---- that more important than anything, our friends like us JUST LIKE WE ARE. --- which in a word is acceptance(#2).
You and I gravitate towards people who accept us just like we are. And that's the next big thing I want you to know about friends:
Acceptance is the road to influence (#3).
It's really important that you know that, because reality is, most of us don't choose our friends (repeat).
Think about it --- did you ever put a sign up at your table at lunch: "Be Meghan's Friend Now accepting applications"!
Wouldn't that be a cool idea --- you could interview your potential friends ----you could look at their application:
"Hmmm, I see here you were Madison's best friend for the month of March you were April's best friend for 3 weeks
and now I see you just ended a 5 week friendship with Allyson
It looks like judging by your "friend history" you have some relational "issues" so I'll call you, if I have any openings in the friend dept."
But that's NOT how it works we drift into relationships when we feel like a friend or group of people accepts us for who we are. Acceptance is the road to influence.
And this is what God says about our friends' influence on us:
"Whoever walks with the wise will become wise; whoever walks with fools will suffer harm." Proverbs 13:20 nlt
That verse is the same thing as our first point tonight: Our friends influence what we do.
That verse has 2 parts --- the first part is a promise ( 4a). (note) God promises us if we choose wise friends, we will be influenced by them and become wise ourselves.
The 2nd part is a warning (4b). God warns us that if we are accepted by friends that aren't very wise, then somehow, somewhere it WILL have a negative effect on us.
That warning is like an old southern saying that goes: "If you sleep with dawgs, you're gonna git fleas."
I joked earlier about me doing the file cabinet trick but doing unwise things can be way more serious than that
Let's say you're a young man or a young woman and you know how God wants you to behave with the opposite sex. Now suppose someone of the opposite sex who doesn't share your same conviction about that accepts you just the way you are they understand you they listen to you they say they love you they say they respect you
What happens when in the course of that relationship, he or she influences you to cross a physical line?
Here's the truth: When we feel like a friend accepts and understands us, we are more likely to be influenced by them --- even if it's not (#5) a positive influence
Remember what the #1 influence on people your age is? Friends Not WISE friends necessarily, NOT God, NOT morality NOT what your parents say.
I guess we're at a point where we need to ask the question: What is a "good" friend? Or, What is a wise friend? Because in that scenario I just laid out that boyfriend or girlfriend could have:
Accepted you just the way you are
Understood you
Listened to you
Said they loved you
Said they respected you
Been loyal
Been honest
But all that isn't enough!
A good friend is a WISE friend and the definition of "wise" is someone who knows the difference between right & wrong and chooses to do what's right (#6a) --- even when it's difficult (#6b).
Let me clarify where we are up to now, because this is really important:
Because acceptance paves the way to influence ANYONE, anyone who accepts us just like we are, has the potential to influence ushas the potential to affect what we do in a negative way
BUT --- only by intentionally hanging out with wise (good) friends will we become wise and be able to choose between right & wrong even in tough situations.
In the situation I was describing a minute ago --- the ability for you to do the right thing, sexually --- has to do if you have chosen a wise boyfriend or girlfriend ---NOT one that's loving or accepting, but a boyfriend or girlfriend that's wise.
Right now you may be thinking, "How do I know who IS wise?"
All of us probably have friends that are not wise. And I want to refer to them as "counterfeit friends" --not to put them down or because they're any less valuable ---- but because they're NOT real friends in the "wise" sense
In other words, counterfeit friends may love you, and accept you but when it comes to choosing between right & wrong, they won't make the right choice or won't help YOU make the right choice.
Here's some tips to spot counterfeit friends --- they say things like:
"You have to do what you feel is right for you." (in this situation)
"Everybody has to decide for themselves."
"No one can tell other people what is right for them."
People you hang out with who say those kinds of things will lead you to "suffer harm" as Proverbs 13:20 says --- because those statements won't help you do the right thing they'll lead you to what feels good. And what feels good now, doesn't always lead to happy endings.
A true friend is someone who will love you and accept you and be willing to tell you the truth (#7) about you to your face--- NOT to be mean---but to help us be a better person. (repeat)
(ppt Chris Farley) This is kind of extreme but I think you'll get the point --- We all know who Chris Farley was And after he passed away, there were sound-bytes from people who said they were close friends talking about the tragedy of his way-too-early death
And generally speaking, many people admitted they never confronted him about his compulsive eating and his drug & alcohol abuse perhaps they didn't confront him to keep his acceptance perhaps they cared more about their friendship with someone famous instead of Chris Farley himself.
Counterfeit friends care more about the relationship than they do about YOU (#8).
Counterfeit friends will allow you to do unhealthy things without saying anything ----even in a cute little town like Kokomo, there are students confronting eating disorders, alcohol, drugs, and sex ---- all of which can be entirely dangerous. ///
Talking about friends true friends & counterfeit friends--- can be a pretty dicey deal ---- I'm sure some of you are asking yourself if I'm telling you that you should get rid of some of your friends (pause)
That's a tough question. I can't speak to every situation. But here's what you need to know:
If you're hangin' with friends, or a friend, or a boyfriend or a girlfriend and you're doing stuff you never thought you'd do you need to make a decision and choose who you lose (#9).
If there is someone or a group of people who are taking you further away from Christmake no bones about --- choose who you lose
If you have different friends recently and now coincidentally your grades are going south, fast --- choose who you lose
If your friends are telling you things like, "You have to do what you feel is right for you." And, "Everybody has to decide for themselves." And now you're making decisions that aren't bringing positive results---Then you need to choose who you lose.
Alright --- enough on the negative side of this deal.
When I was trying to figure out how to tell you the positive side of walking with wise friends I thought that I probably couldn't do it as well if one of you guys told a real life story about how a friend helped you through something.
So now I'd like to invite up Jenny Glassburn from Western High School (be nice, smile etc)
(Jenny's testimony)
How many times do we hear a story about someone --- like Jenny told and when bad things happen in their life ---or a series of bad things happen they respond by becoming bitter --- and ticked off --- and mad at God. And somehow they come through the other side older harder more skeptical and more untrusting.
When I listen to Jen's story I think of how she might have responded to any one of those things in her life but thank God, someone who loved herand accepted her and told her truth---was there. And thank God Jenny chose to walk with him --- chose to stay open to what he had to say and stayed open to their relationship.
And that little relationship helped her and him through some deals that they couldn't have done alone
And the surprise ending is that on top of 2 deaths (pause) after all that
God took that relationship that started as some "puppy love" dating thing and turned it into a wise-walking relationship between 2 young adults that eventually led to Jenny accepting Christ last summer (pause) and now from here on out whatever happens in her life down the road she knows she has the Ultimate Friend in Christ .. who's always with her no matter what.
And for the record my friend, Ray --- who helped me terrorize KHS --- was the most instrumental person in me accepting Christ a few years later and like Jenny said about Derek for me, if it weren't for my friend, Ray, I can't imagine I'd be here tonight doing this
and THAT's the power of friendship a friend accepts us then influences us along a path that leads to Christ.
And for anyone sitting here tonight that's a Christ follower you must realize that you are full of the potential to be used by God to accept your friends and then influence them along a path that leads to Christ. (pause)
Part of tonight's message is about you being warned about who you walk with --- the other part is that YOU have a part to play in the life of friends you care about
Most of you walk pretty wise for your age (repeat) And with that, comes responsibility to your friends
You don't HAVE to lead them to Christ some of you will But all you have to do with the peeps you care about is invite them to these services (repeat)
-- You need to love your friends who don't know God
-- You need to accept your friends who don't know God
-- And you need to love them enough to nudge them in God's direction by
inviting them here. (repeat 3 pts.)
(Heaven help us if you or me ever lose sight of teenagers who don't know Christ!)
Here's a real question for us to think about:
How many potential stories are there in this room right now --- of people like Derek talking to a friend like Jenny. In the next year or 2 how many of your friends could stand on this little platform and say:
"Tyler invited me and one day I finally showed upand it didn't suck and I kept coming and last week I accepted Christ."
Or they could say,
"Ali invited me"
"Meghan invited me"
"Corey invited me"
"Cam invited me"
"Lauren invited me"
"Chelsea invited me"
"Carmen invited me"
"Austin invited me"
"Ashley invited me"
"Travis invited me"
"Kaitlyn invited me"
For everyone here that's a Christ follower there's at least one friend in your life that you can influence for eternity!
So let's love them enough to invite them to a place where they can see and feel that God is FUN .. and see that God accepts them where God can influence them and so they can eventually accept Christ.
Here's my challenge ---- don't leave here tonight without at least 2 of these invite cards put them in the hands of a friend or 2, THIS WEEK. You don't have to "strong arm" them into coming just say, "This is pretty cool --- I'd love it if you'd come."
Will you accept that challenge? ///
"Whoever walks with the wise will become wise; whoever walks with fools will suffer harm." Proverbs 13:20 nlt
Consider God's warning about walking with people who don't choose well between right & wrong
And live on God's promise of walking with friends who choose the right things over the wrong things
And remember that many of you ARE the wise and if you influence your friends along the path that leads to Christ
Then Jesus can say to them, as He does to us in John 15:15: "You are my friends"
