"Why Can't This Be Love?" (youth ministry message) Morgan Young 2.17.02
(Original audio drama- blacked out auditorium---hear conversation of teenage couple finding themselves alone at her house, starting to make out and finding themselves asking how far are they going to go & does he really love her.)
That audio drama is a snapshot of a situation that some of you may have already found yourself in and it's a situation almost EVERYONE of you may find yourself in, at some point
In the end, the couple was left deciding what they were going to do and tonight, the question I want you to put in your mind, is if you find yourself in that kind of a situation, "What will you do?"
Tonight, my prayer is that we can talk about sex and I don't plan to guilt you or make you feel awkward & uncomfortable but what I want for you, is for you to leave here tonight MORE INFORMED about sex, from God's perspective than when you came in
Alright? We all cool with this?
One of the things that really bothers me is when people especially in church --- talk about sex like it's something dirty like it's something to be ashamed of. I don't know why, but in church, people get freaky when you bring up sex and I don't understand it!
Because here's the deal: GOD CREATED SEX! I don't know HOW God did it, but the truth is, a VERY LONG TIME AGO, in a galaxy far, far away there was NO sex.
Then, one day, God probably said out loud, "I have got a GREAT IDEA!!" and He created sex. What a concept!
So as we look at what the Creator of sex has to say about it, let's assume that the One who created sex knows more about it than, Hugh Hefner, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Drew, or Dr. Phil.
The truth is sex is this beautiful unbelievably fulfilling and FUN thing! --- ORit can be something that's fun, IN THE MOMENT but then later leaves a person feeling used and empty.
And deep down --- if we'll think about it --- we all know it CAN leave us feeling empty and used --- it's like the dialogue in the drama probably every girl who thinks about sleeping with a boy, is VERY concerned about him being "for real"about him being "committed" about him being "totally in love" with her
Why? Because deep down, we know that if love doesn't last forever it WILL hurtand if there's sex involved, we KNOW it's going to hurt X 100all of us KNOW that.
And the reason it's going to hurt so bad --- is because God NEVER designed sex to happen outside of marriage. Never.
In the second chapter of the Bible God lays it out:
"God put man into a deep sleep. As he slept He removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that He taken from the man to make woman and presented her to the man. The man said, 'Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!' Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh." Gen 2:21-24 Msg
That verse says that man & woman come together to make how many flesh? Uno, baby! One. In the words of The Count from Sesame Street, "ONE! AH-AH-AHONE FLESH- AH-AH-AH
Within the context of "one flesh" or marriage --- God designed sex to be a fulfilling and great thing. You might say God's idea of sex for us, is to be the best it can be --- God wants sex for you to be the best it can be! and the BEST it can be is IN A MARRIAGE.
Sex is good news--bad news. Good news is God designed it to be the bomb! Bad news is you have to WAIT for the bomb!
Sadly, you must wait until marriage for sex. Period.
Let me try to explain the "Why" because I don't typically respond to orders when someone just says, "Because I said so,"---and I don't expect that you like it either.
Here's the reason to keep from having sex (tonight's big deal):
Purity paves the way to intimacy. (say that ) I don't expect that makes sense to you yet so stay with me and it will.
When we look at that phrase we know what "purity" is ---that means NO SEX.
But what exactly is "intimacy?"
Intimacy means REALLY knowing someone --- knowing everything about them, the good stuff, the embarrassing stuff the uncomfortable stuff---- and that person knowing the same about you ---- it's about 2 people knowing everything about each other---(the kicker) with NO FEAR OF REJECTION.
Really think about that for a minute Imagine one person who knows EVERYTHING every little stupid, quirky thing, and all your junk---all your hang-ups and imagine they won't reject you, no matter what they know about you.
Deep down, in our most honest place ---intimacy is the most important thing in our lives It's like it doesn't matter what we accomplish if we're the best high school basketball player in the state --- but we don't have someone to share it with somebody who understands what that really means to you without that intimacy being Indiana's Mr. Basketball loses something.
The intimacy factor is why our best friend means so much to us because they DO know us and they love us anyway with our best friend, we probably don't fear rejection.
I believe that the definition of intimacy is why most people accept Christ because we finally realize that even though we have done and do very unattractive things that Christ hung on a crossknowing we would act how we do --- and He did it anyway that God offers us the kind of love that loves us NO MATTER WHAT we finally accept Christ because we realize the kind of acceptance and intimacy He promises, is the intimacy that deep down we needwe need it.
And you guys are very aware and protective of the intimacy factor in your lives Show you what I mean: Do you tell just anybody everything about you?
Far from it! Your emotions, your feelings, your ideas and ideals are your most prized possessions! And so you hand them out sparingly and protectively because intimacy ---knowing someone & being know by someoneis VERY important to you.
And I believe that when the sex thing comes up in your guys' life ---you're NOT just thinking about how good the sex thing is going to be --- The sex is the icing on the cake --- what you're thinking is,
"This person loves me so much this person will NEVER reject me this person accepts me JUST LIKE I AM I am so intimate with this personmore than I could be with ANYONE elsethat I want to seal this deal with a sexual experience." (pause)
But here's what happens A couple teenagers seal the deal they do the big nasty ---- and again like they alluded to in the drama a couple months down the road they break up.
Have you ever seen a couple at your school, that everybody thought was the "perfect couple" and surprisethey break upever seen that?
That IS what happens. Do you know how many couples I personally know who married their high school sweetheart? ONE. One out of hundreds that I know.
So what happens when you've slept with someone and then break up?
Well that "most important" thing that you were after, called intimacy your ability to know people and be known by people without fear of rejection --- just got damaged.
After we have sex with someone and end up breaking up Then the NEXT time someone you care deeply about comes into your life in your mind you're going to think,
"Woah how do I know I can really trust you? I'm not sure I really want to be 100% honest with you I WAS completely open with someone before --- and I got screwed over I'm not sure I can really trust you or me because I thought I was sure before "
Do you see? When we do impure sexual things we increase our fear of rejection (repeat) and so we lose our ability for intimacy.
Purity paves the way to intimacy. And impurity damages our ability for intimacy. When we introduce impurity into our life, we screw up our ability to be realopenhonest and vulnerable with people. Don't leave here tonight without knowing that there is a very real link between purity and intimacy.
And right now, you have to know that you are in control of your purity. And don't be naïve --- don't fool yourself and say things like,
"It's OK WE ARE going to last forever and eventually get married." That's a pant-load full! High school sweethearts usually don't go the distance. Don't buy that lie!
Another lie about sex is, "Everybody does it!" And we get help believing that everybody does, by the media. Look at this movie trailer that's playing right now. (Roll "40 Days and 40 Nights" movie trailer---young man has bet that he can go that long without being sexual)
What a pant-load-full!! Suuure there's NO WAY a young male could go a whole FORTY DAYS without a sexual encounter!!! Shuh! As if!
We have got to say the truth here, because that is just ONE example of a movie, a TV show or song lyrics that would lead you to believe that if you're not "sexually involved" you're not hip ---or you're the odd one.
And don't be fooled by what you hear at school I 'm sure you hear about some of the students who are but think about this: The students who are NOT involved sexually, DON'T talk about --- so you never hear that side!!
"HeyJimguess who Iiiiiii didn't sleep with last night!"
The people in your school who aren't "getting jiggy"are also NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. So don't let what you HEAR give you a false impression of reality.
But even if they ARE sleeping around, like the tailor said to the nudist, "So what?!"
One of my friends who attends a school in Howard county emailed me last week that some of her friends were making fun of her because she is a virgin.
True story---This is what she emailed me (ppt)
And this is what I emailed back to her (ppt)
(>people are now starting to make fun of my virginity..
You have GOT to be kidding me!!!!! What's that about? Are they saying stuff like, "Hee-hee-hee, she's a virgin----she's not a slut like us!" )
("slut"- n. "a woman considered sexually promiscuous." is not cursing, NOT "obscene" in Amer. Her. Dict.)
Alright, look!---- If you're friends would tease you because you DON"T sleep around or would tease you because of good grades, straight teeth or whatever then, like I said last week --- choose who lose and get over it! ///
Alright. Let's look at the issue EVERYONE wants to hear: How far is too far?
This is one of those questions that we really wish was spelled right out in black & white for us in the Bible but It does not give a specific answer.
There's no: "Thou shalt kisseth unto the point of frenchness, yet no further shall ye slake." ;-)
But let's look at what is a great passage from The Message:
"There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The two become one.' Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever ---the kind of sex that can never 'become one.'
There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for 'becoming one' with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit?
Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body." 1 Cor. 6:9-20 the Msg
There's some heavy thoughts for you: If you're a Christ follower, Paul says, "Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit?"
More than we need to know where the line is --- we need to always remember that our body is a sacred place that the Holy Spirit lives in. I guarantee that fact will influence how far you should go.
But let me give you some common-sense TRUTHS about WHERE you draw the line:
1. The further you go, the faster you go. (say it)
This is the basic truth that whenever we go to the next level in a physical relationship like first we start by holding hands then we progress to simple kisses and whatever follows that, and so on
Our nature is that the time we're at each of those "next levels" is shorter & shorter
My good buddy, Scott Montgomery, put it into Winter Olympic terms for us he said, "Physical relations is like a bobsled --- once you get going, there's no turning back!"
And in relationships, once you cross certain physical lines, you just keep picking up speed. The further you go, the faster you go.
The next truth about drawing lines is:
2. The further you go, the further you want to go. (repeat)
If you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend, you can remember the sensation you felt when you held hands for the FIRST time
At the moment, holding hands was enough man you thought, "THIS is the coolest! "
But what happened? After a while the excitement wore off and we wanted to take the relationship to the NEXT level.
That's because our sexual appetite is a lot like our appetite for food like right now, imagine your most favorite desert in the whole world imagine someone puts it right in front of you but then you can only have a couple bites.
That sucks! It's almost easier to not eat any of a good desert than only eat a bite or two!
It's like Forrest Gump would say, "Momma says sex is like a box of chocolatethe more you eat, the more you wanna eat."
The reality, is the human body is designed to go all the way --- so if you say, "I'm only going to go 'this' far with the opposite sex"---you're taking a risk because your mind is going to say, "Here's the line" --- but your body is not going to understand. In fact your body will have other ideas!
The next truth is:
3. The further you go, the harder it is to go back. (repeat)
When you were a little kid & went to the park --- the day you finally got the courage to go down the "big slide" ---did you ever go back to the little slide?
No--- and since sex can be even more fun than the "big slide" we don't tend to go backwards in our physical relations.
You need to know there is a very strong, even addictive nature to physical relations Again, our body is designed to go all the way.
The last truth is:
4. Where you draw the line determines your temptation. (repeat)
Let me explain this: If you decide the line is kissing then in your mind--- whatever is across that line, is what you'll be tempted to do. (more?)
And guess what let's not forgetwe ARE human ---so whatever line we set --- we may mess us --- we may have a loss of self-control So don't just think of where the line is for you --- but you better think of what's AFTER the line.
Let's say, if you as a young woman or young man, decide that oral sex is the line --- you've just determined your temptation as well --- and what happens if you have a momentary loss of self control if that's where you've drawn the line? //
And what I'm going to say next is my personal opinion---but I feel strongly that it needs to be said
I know there are teenagers who engage in oral sex thinking that it's really NOT sex that's it's not going "all the way" and rationalizing by saying, "Aren't you still a virgin afterwards?!"
I don't believe that a Christ follower can read the passage from 1 Corinthians (6:9-20) realizing your body is a sacred place inhabited by the Holy Spirit, and do that in good conscience.
And I also feel compelled to say that I strongly believe that inappropriate touching is not in line with honoring your body either.
And here's one last question to help you determine where the line is for you:
"How far do you want your future wife or husband to go, with the person they date just before they meet you?"
Most of you would probably say, "Not very far!" Then that's probably how far you should go too.
And here's the deal on sex --- it isn't for MATURE people it isn't for people who are READY it's not for people who are IN LOVE Sex is for MARRIED PEOPLE. Period.///
Believe it or not I do want to end by actually talking about dating a little bit.
Dating should really about being able to RELATE to someone else. It should be about learning to build relationships and learning how men and women communicate with each other
Learning the art of conversation with the opposite sex will do way more to set you up for success in life than being focused on the physical part of dating will.
The truth is there's too much focus in our lives about the physical act of sex and there's NOT ENOUGH focus on learning how to RELATE or BUILD RELATIONSHIPS with people.
Anybody want to know the truth about guys?
We tend to care about our relationship with girls to the point we get what we want. NEWSFLASH: Guys are more about being physical than being relational. (repeat)
And being physical more than relational doesn't lead to having a healthy long-term relationship like, say a MARRIAGE!
And we see this ALL THE TIME in our culture husbands have the relational IQ of a butter dish and marriages that should be these GREAT things full of intimacy and great sex
Become these HO-HUM "no big deal" marriages that are miles away from what God planned them to be because too often, young men never learned how to respect, honor and cherish women they never learned how to develop and work on the RELATIONSHIP . Because the tendency is for guys to think of girls too much physically and when we do that--- we're not respecting and honoring them and we're not learning how to be the kinds of husbands that you want to be someday.
Guys how you treat and relate to women now is the foundation for how you will treat your future wife Don't think that when you get older you'll just flip a switch and just start relating to and respecting women. DO IT NOW! //
And anyone want to know the truth about girls?
Girls are naturally more RELATIONAL than PHYSICAL. (Guys, ain't that a kick in the pants?!")
Girls you have a tendency to fall big-time for guys that come across like they're all about the relationship, even when they're more about just being physical.
When young women feel they have trust and acceptance from a guy, they are more likely to do things physically. So girls, you need to learn now---to look for guys who will respect you and honor you.
Ladies, don't be tempted into falling for a guy just because he accepts youacceptance is NOT enough. He needs to respect youphysically and relationally.
When young women aren't looking for guys who know how to respect them relate with them and honor them then too, this leads to marriages that don't have great intimacy or great sex.
And here's why I'm talking about this: This city and this country is FULL of divorced families and dysfunctional marriages
And the truth is, what YOU choose to do sexually, right now & in the next couple years SETS THE STAGE for the kinds of marriages you'll have for the kinds of husbands & wives YOU will be
Your ability to be intimate with the opposite sex has everything to do with a successful marriage And purity paves the way to intimacy And IMPURITY DAMAGES our ability for intimacy.
So what I'm saying is if what you want out of life is a marriage that rocks where you & your spouse relate are best friends really share with each other really enjoy each other
Then when you date, make sure you respect and honor each other physically and emotionally
Respecting and honoring means learning how to listen learn how to talk with each other learn how to have a good time apart from sexual desires
Every good relationship & every good marriage is good apart from sex. If sex is the only thing good, or the most important thing in a relationship that relationship is guaranteed to fail!
Last word: Guys and girls --- learn to respect and honor the opposite sex --- and in your dating world, DON'TDON'T accept someone who doesn't honor & respect you!
(thank for maturity & attention---worship set)
