new_way_of_relating

a new way of relating (last part of series thru Colossians)

morgan young 11.27.05

It's a sad day--it's our last time sloshin' through Colossians.

In the first week, Mark taught us that Christ is supreme; this supreme Holy God paid for us w/His Son's life and that ought to be enough for us.

Then we talked about Freedom in Christ. That because of our new life in Christ we are free from our past, and our sin & junk is nailed to the cross & we nailed stuff to the cross.

Then Tony talked about after we nail our junk to the cross, we need to do a 180°; we need to walk w/Christ in a new direction, not down our same old rutted roads.

And last week Mark talked about that we should live thankfully; taking note of all the good things this Supreme God has done in our life.

And so now, since we put God in the supreme place in our life, have been freed from our junk, got on a new road with Christ, and are living thankfully--with all those realities we have no choice but to relate with people differently too.

Today's passage is all about relationships---- in our homes, at work and in the world. But before we get into the passage, let's backup to the drama for a second.

On one hand, Mrs. Weller could have been nicer. On the other hand, she was the customer; the customer is always right. Is it so wrong to expect an employee in a pie shop, or restaurant, or retail store to provide good easy-to-understand service?

Then on the other hand (yes, I have 3 hands), what does it feel like if on Sunday morning, Mrs. Weller is one of the greeters at church, or a vocalist, or a pastor, and the pie shop employee is a first-time visitor?

One of the hard things about being a Christ follower is that we all have pie shop moments--times when we're "less than our best."

Two days ago was "Black Friday"--the busiest, get-there-by-5am, take-no-prisoners shopping day of the year. I don't want to imagine how many of us had a pie shop moment fighting for a portable DVD with another sleep-deprived shopper ;-)

I don't want to know how many pie shop moments happen in fast food drive-thus ;-)

Lord, knows we have pie shop moments with our spouse and kids! (somebody say "amen!")

I think most of the time, our pie shop moments come out of a "rights" mindset.

"Because you're not giving me good service, it's my right to power up on you and treat you like you're making me treat you."

"Because my wife isn't meeting my needs in the way I expect her to in this moment, I have the right to be not-so-loving in my response."

"I have a right to be treated a certain way at work, and why should I have to bust me behind for a boss or a company who's not treating me like I think they should?!"

Alright, so we have a picture of how we can be with other people on a bad day. Let's look at God's picture. We're going to look at three sections of Scripture that talk about relationships at home, work & the world. Let's stand and read this together:

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged and quit trying.

It helps us understand this passage if we realize that Paul was not writing to modern middle class Americans.

The city of Colosse was in what is now Turkey, which is right next door to Syria, and Iraq & Iran are a about a stone's through away. So he's in a middle eastern culture around 60 A.D. The ancient middle eastern world was what we'd expect---- it was a man's world, women were little more than property. Women had no rights. They were forced to obey their husbands. They were often physically abused by their husbands. Husbands could cheat on his wife and she had to put up with it. There was no Dr. Phil. No, "I'm going to get a divorce." Because women had no rights--they were not recognized as citizens. Think about the middle east now and how women are viewed--it's not all that different.

So in the midst of that less-than-healthy marriage scenario, God says, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly."

This a classic "out of context" passage. How many times have you heard just the first part of this? "Women submit to your husband?"

Well, let's deal with this "submit" thing;

For all the Greek scholars in the hizzy, "submit" comes from "hupotasso." "Hupa" means "under" and "tasso" means "arrange." So it's a word that means to "put or arrange under authority" or "to obey."

This does not mean that the man should be some kind of household overlord ruling over his wife on every issue. It reflects the reality that God is a god of order; there's always a chain of command. He does that so there's not a stalemate or a filibuster. There's always someone who can make the God-honoring call. Parents over children, husband over his wife (not all women), church over the man, Christ over the Church.

Is a woman supposed to keep her mouth shut and refrain from freely communicating and making decisions with her husband? No. This passage does not say that a woman needs to be this politely quiet person who looks to the man to make all the decisions.

Is a woman less important than a man? No. In fact through all the passages today we must understand that God sees us all with equal value; a husband is no more important than a wife.

"In Christ's family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ." Galatians 3:28 The Message

And what about the husband--what kind of a man should she submit to? Well this Greek word "hupotasso" was a military term that had to do with arranging military troops under someone's leadership. And interestingly, Jesus, in Luke uses a military context to talk about leadership and says,

"Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant." Luke 22:26 NLT

I don't know why, but when you and I hear words like "submit" and "leadership" we tend to think of General George S. Patton instead of ultimate leader J. Christ. Biblical leadership is servant leadership, not dogmatic iron-fist leadership.

And just to make this crystal clear, let's visit this same concept written by Paul at about the same time to the people of Ephesis; accept in Ephesians, Paul goes into more detail than he does in Colossians:

"Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent (submit) to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives..." Ephesians 5:21-28 The Message

When I read that passage and think about God's picture of marriage, I think of the person playing poker who goes "all in." He/she takes all their chips and slides them onto the middle of the table--they say, "This is it--everything I have is in--all I have is riding on this--I'm not holding back anything."

And I think one of the biggest dynamics that keeps our marriages from reflecting Ephesians 5 & Colossians 3 is that we don't go "all in."

In little areas we hold back a stack of chips "just in case."

We hold back full devotion, "just in case" this one goes south too."

We hold back last 10% truth "just in case" his or her self esteem can't handle it.

We hold back vulnerability "just in case" we're not understood or laughed at.

And sometimes we hold back a stack of chips just because we know our spouse is holding back a stack of chips.

If you and I are "all in" with our love, our servanthood, and our respect for our spouse,

I'll wager we'll have a lot fewer pie-shop moments with them. For me, being "all in" is a daily, sometimes moment to moment decision. (pray for marriages)

(great site with more info on women submitting to men click)

(There are two audience participation moments as I read these next two verses. After I read this verse, I want every kid who's still at home to say in your best Napolean Dynamite-honoring way, "Gosh!" And I want every parent to say, "rock on." Then after the second, verse you switch: parents say "gosh" and kids say "rock on.")

"Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. ("gosh!/rock on!")

Fathers (& mothers), do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged and quit trying. ("gosh/rock on!") Colossians 3:20,21 NLT

Ok now, "Children" comes from the Greek word "gray-hair-itus" (kidding) Again, in the middle eastern culture at that time, children had no rights, they were oppressed and could even be sold as slaves. So when your kids complain, just remind them how good they have it, or you could suggest going back to the "good ol' days ;-)"

The key here is that a kid's obedience doesn't just honor their parents, but honors God. This even makes God's "top 10" list---it's number 5 on the 10 Commandments from Exodus, "Honor your father and mother."

And verses 20 & 21 go together in the same way that 18 & 19 do--that is, there are responsibilities & expectations on both parties.

Parents are not to be over-demanding authoritarians. Again in Ephesians 6, Paul elaborates and tells parents to, "Bring up our children with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." But to be cautious about being too negative or they'll get discouraged and stop trying or as The Message says, "we'll break their spirit."

A great way to overcome that temptation (to be too strict, too negative) is to do what Ken Blanchard calls, "catch them doing things right."

Think about that for a minute. How do you think a child feels about obeying a parent who not only teaches & disciplines, but also catches them doing things right?

As parents, God is our Father who loves us unconditionally, even when we mess up. In fact, He tells us that He's not going to associate our mess-ups with how He sees us. He's going to stay on the positive side and He's going to identify us by our new life in Him. In His eyes, I'm an adopted son, not a convicted sinner. It's His unconditional love for us that keeps us wanting to stay in relationship with Him. Now put that in parent & child roles...

When our kids sense that we love them and value them--especially through tough times when they mess up. When we bring discipline because it's appropriate instead of because we're mad--when we identify them as who they are, not what they've done--how do you think they feel about us as parents? Do you think it would motivate them to honor us or irritate us? Parents, we set the tone by balancing our constructive words with affirming words so that we don't crush their spirit.

Parents and kids are so prone to pie shop moments. As parents it's tempting to say, "I have every right to treat him/her that way. Did you see what they did?"

As a kid it's easy to say, "I have every right to be madthey shouldn't have grounded me that longor they shouldn't have taken that privilege awayI have every right to act this way!"

But those relational responses will only keep us living in the pie shop.

Children: obey your parents always. Parents: let's lovingly leading our kidslet's catch them doing things right--that's how we get out of the pie shop.

(pray for parents & kids)

Let's stand & read this next section.

22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. 23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. 25 But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.

4:1 Masters, be just and fair to your slaves. Remember that you also have a Masterin heaven

Colossians 3:22-25 NLT

This talks about slaves and masters, but I said earlier we were going to talk about workplace relationships--what's the deal?

Here's another great example of a Scripture that gets taken out of context. If we think this was written with early American slavery in mind, we'll miss the boat. Slavery in America was so controversial and so NOT accepted by everyone that we had a civil war over it.

In contrast, when Colossians was written, slavery was universally accepted. It was considered a normal function of civilized society. Let me try to draw you a picture of it:

There were about 80 million people in the Roman Empire at that time. More than HALF of the people (40+ million) you'd encounter on the streets in the ancient world were slaves.

Most of the professional people were slaves: teachers, doctors, craftsman, and general laborers of all kinds. So because slaves were in essence the workforce of it's day, we can take this passage in a workplace context.

(little sidebar) Now, because Paul didn't call out (condemn) slavery, does that mean God was ok with slavery? No.

In Jesus' day there were lot's of things going on that God didn't approve of; it's just that in the Bible, we see change coming about, because God changes the people's hearts. God didn't send people to Rome to lobby the politicians to abolish slavery. But we do see here that He tells masters to treat slaves fairly and to keep in mind that they too have a master--God.

And we do find verses like this we saw a few minutes ago:

God knew that if the idea of everyone being equal got into enough hearts, there would be no slavery. Not because of changed laws, but because of changed hearts. (that's what happened in America)

God's plan is nuts---his crazy way to change the world is by changing our heart, then working through us to change another, and another, and anotherThat's God's crazy plan to change the world.

God puts a lot on employees in this verse. He's calling us to be "all in" at our job. He's telling us that everyday we need to bring our A-game. He's telling us no matter where we work we should perform just like we're working for Him.

Personally I think this can be so hard--I know it's hard because I worked in the marketplace for more years than I've worked at a church.

As Christ followers it's so easy to compartmentalize our lives, especially at work.

"When I'm at work, I play their game. I do what I have to do to be successful, to be noticed. My boss and other employees use certain words, so I use certain words. Other people aren't totally ethical, so I don't have to be. Other people coast, so it's ok for me to coast--after all I get paid the same whether I bust it or not."

This verse is a more specific application of Romans 12:1 that says, everything we do (including our jobs) is our spiritual act of worship. Wherever we are, we're a reflection of our Father in heaven. And as Christ followers in the workplace I can't help but think of one of my favorite quotes:

"Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary, use words. " St Francis of Assisi

In all the places I worked, I always knew who the church people were, always. Sometimes that was a great thing---it was great when they lived their faith. Other times, "not so much." I'll never forget being out at a restaurant at a company dinner, and the guy across from me just ripped and mocked our waiter behind his back. The whole time he had his little Christian cross on his lapel...Preach the Gospel at all times...

pray: "Lord, I know that this is a challenging time in the workplacethere are unsure job situations at Delphi & the whole auto industrythe economy has seen better days & only You know how it will play out at our jobsthere are people in job environments where it's hard to do the right thingLord, I thank you that we are not slaves, but have the freedom to choose jobsand for everyone who HAS a job, I thank Youfor those in need of one, I lift them and their needs to You, FatherI thank you that no matter what our job situation is, you are with us, in us, and working for usI pray your strength and your peace for those feeling stress in their jobsand I pray that no matter what, you would help us to honor you in our actions every day as we work ultimately, for You. Amen."

Lets stand & read this final verse.

5 Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. 6. Let your conversations be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

Colossians 4:5-6 NLT

Here we're talking about relationships with unbelievers. They could be anywhere: work, the pie shop, golf course, doesn't matterit's everywhere.

The first thing Paul says is be "wise" which implies being cautious.

There's a friend of mine who's done a legit 180° with Christ. God has radically turned his life around. And so now, he goes back to his old "watering holes" because that's where his unsaved friends are. And he intentionally goes there to keep in contact with them, because he knows they need Christ and he may be how God gets to them. That's awesome--yeah God!

But I've seen other Christ followers who wanted to do similar things or go hang out with old friends in hopes of getting Christ to them. But instead of them pulling people out, they've been pulled back IN to old lifestyles or old addictions.

So as Christ followers we need to be wise in discerning what's appropriate for us; because we're all different. Some of us can go to bars & have awesome discussions and some of us shouldn't. Some of us have stronger thresholds on social pressures than others--we just need to know our personality's limits. So be wise, be cautious.

(remaining text)"Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversations be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone."

I love this verse---"making the most of every opportunity" means everywhere we go is an opportunity to make a statement.

Sometimes I wish we'd have a national week of Christian silence, where no Christ followers would be allowed to say anything. And so people would have to know we're Christians by what we do and how we act and interact. Sometimes I think non Christians are tired of hearing us talk. Sometimes I am tired of hearing us talk.

Everyone knows how we feel about homosexuality.

Everyone knows how we feel about abortion.

Everyone knows how we feel about evolution, prayer and the 10 commandments.

But do homosexuals, people who've had abortions, scientists and politicians and all the non Christians--do they all know that we sincerely & authentically care about them?

Do we really care about them? If we don't really honestly care about people---non-Christians who think differently than we do--- the "most" we'll make of a situation won't be very much.

Jesus made the most of every situation. When He was around unbelievers he wasn't calling them out. His behavior and his talk was attractive and engaging with:

a tax collector in a tree

blue collar fishermen

soldiers who served Rome, not God

Sometimes I think these days that we Christians are really great at telling people where we stand and what we think about everything. But not so good about being just plain old relationally attractive & grace-filled. Sometimes we're better at pointing a finger than offering a hand and accepting people as they are.

If we're going to make the most of every opportunity, then we have to learn to love people who embrace non-Christian ideals--that's what Jesus did.

I didn't care so much about Christianity until a Christ follower loved me. Loved me in spite of all my wordly ideas that he disagreed with. (pray?)

For all of us there's a person, or a group of people, where our relational actions don't match our faith. And the only way we grow through that is to face it. One of the things the Holy Spirit does is to shine light on the dark areas in usthe places that need to be more like Christ.

So as we listen to this song, I ask you to do a courageous thing: In your spirit simply say, "God, I am open to anything you want to say to me. Show me what you will." Give Him the freedom to bring whatever or whoever to your mind during this time.

song: Beyond Justice to Mercy -Susan Ashton